pre Birthday weekend

TGIF! Dad came home the day before, so thats good, life is back to normal. Normal does not = good. But but but Its my birthday in 4 days..so I am keeping my fingers crossed, it'll be a turn to a better year.

On Friday, the 6th of FEb we are planning to host a little do the occassion is a announcing the launch of our site. My boy friend ST( remember it, I feel weird writing my boyfriend all the time), another friend and I have been working for about 6 months now ( Me not full time, its STs baby actually, I am doing alll that I can to help ) and the site is finally going to be up and running. I dont want to go into details just yet, give me a week and Il put up an EXCLUSIVE post on the site. Its a smash hit, i tell ya.

So besides work, (I work in a destination marketing company full time, thats my job the website venture is the SIDE element ya?) thats gettinga little too much to handle. I am already party planning. The party will be on the terrace of a really nice apartments, right next to the beach..good music, booze, food and a lot of chit chat. We want to have a projector, projecting the " take a tour" caricature bar of the site, so people know. We are expecting about 80 - 90 pax. A lot of things pending:

1. Music equipment hire 2. Projector 3. Catering 4. Invite and Inviting 5. Name Cards 6. Liquer List 7. seating, lighting and set up

Im hosting a do after sooooo long, Iv lost alllllllll my party organisation skills! Yesterday, while discussing details I got super excited and defensive and I ended up fighting with ST and it became a huge draining fight that lasted till 1 am! Thats when I started having doubts if its a good thing that Im a part of this or not, cause instead of help and support, we are breaking each others spirit when we are all stressed out. I am scared it will end up affecting my relationship in the bargain.

You know, you can condition yourself to an extent but ultimately you cant fake, your true you is bound to come out! You know I am "AAAAAAAAAAA" wacko person, so no matter how much I condition myself to be a " Hmm" "Ah" person, ultimately the wacko "AAAAAAAAAA" takes over! Shit, I am so drained emotionally.

So anyway, Il just trudge along and close on a lot of things this weekend. Rest well, watch a movie maybe, birthday grooming is a HIGH necessity! My feet look so ugly, I think i heard them chant " pedicure, pedicure, we need a pedicure last night while I was asleep" and shop maybe splurge, I dont care cause its Birthday week the whole citys on sale anyway!

My rockstar dad and my own milky way

The last 2 and a half days have been crazy. Had to rush out on Wednesday from office, when I got a call from mom, saying dads admitted and situation is critical. They were to go for some tests in the morning to the Oncology department and see why he has been running out of breath and feeling so tired! Turns out he has got a severe case of Deep vein thrombosis, which means that there was a blood clot- 3 actually 1 in his leg and 1 in each of his lungs! this happened in a matter of 4 days and if we were even a day later than we were, it would have spelt serious trouble. He was admitted in the ICU and given Clot-blaster drugs. This is one of the nasty side effects of the drug that he takes to keep his illness ( multiple myeloma) in check. The thing with these drugs that fight cancer is that the drug itself are so strong to kill the bad cells that they affect the good cells and the body too.

My Dads a rockstar, he has fought the disease for 2 years after his transplant and the ugly head has shown up again these last 6 months. He will be discharged soon, be a good boy and rest for 15 days and follow instructions, as he has promised and in 2 months when the drug dose is over he will be fine again, the disease will be in control again for a loooooooong time. I don't just say that i BELIEVE it will be. He is a fighter!! So is my Mom, the darling who has bound us all together.

Sorry this is sounding like such a sob family drama..m just a lil drawn in by the atmosphere! ok ok Im going to snap out it! **SNAP** **SNAP** Soooooooo todayyyy after work I am going to stop by the hospital and my popular dad has soooo many people around him that tonight I am not required, its Nehas birthday so Im going to drop in wherever they are celebrating and say hi before I head home. I'm contemplating a book that I should buy for her..maybe Il get a generic book or a book of heart warming story on the triumph of human spirit Zzzzzzzz

Its amazing how much you can observe at the Hospital while Ur waiting in the ICU waiting room, it has these contextual analysis of human nature, responsiveness, resistance, fear, acceptance, joy and relief at times too. I wish I had a camera to capture so much that i saw. I have two whole days to snap way. Il upload some to show you what I mean.

I want to end on a positive note so these are the happy things:
1. dads getting better
2. Although the weekend will be spent in the hospital, Monday is a Public Holiday! The Republic day as usual Il sleep through the morning, when the soldiers will be parading outside the Red Fort at New Delhi. Im so Shameless. tsk tsk
3. Rahman is nominated for 3 Oscars! YAY! ABOUT TIME.
4. I found an old flame on facebook! I wonder how he is now, we are going to talk soon. Read: curiosity
5. Work wise 2 great great projects are picking up, MY PROJECTS. I am OIC ( Officer in Charge duh!) a 6 month online initiative - an online reality show :) and a TV and print campaign with a big partner agent.
6. I am going to do some research on musicology., I really want to study Music, The MBA plan stands i guess but I really want to study music, I have been looking for a vocal teacher, not because i want to be a good singer, but i want to dedicate that time to my passion. It will be therapy for me.
7. My fitness levels are not as bad as i thought, I could sprint walk and jog distance "d" in time "t" that i had set, I am going to work more on it and get fitter. Pinky Swear.
8. My birthday is coming sooooooooon, I am convinced its going to be a great year I cant wait, O and my best friend Shal, for my birthday is going to stick the glow in teh dark sars and moons and comets on my ceiling, so that i lie under the stars from now on! Ooooooo i cant wait!!!!!

The Happy Sad Ending

Absolutely Manic Monday yesterday. The weekend was fairly non active. Saw a pathetic Bollywood movie on Friday, cant wait for Slumdog Millionnaire to release soon. Got myself a "wedding dress" and studied a bit on Saturday. Had coffee with my munchkin, my best friend on Saturday night, we spoke of our mutual woes in a fairly philosophical way and Sunday, I was a good family member and met with an Aunt who visited us from LA and gave us updates on my various cousins i had no idea about and spoke of the recession in the Us and the Obama hope, I politely excused myself at night and caught this almost delightful play called "Jake's Women" completely star studded turn out, the artsy whose who, anyway Il refrain from gossip and get back to Monday.
The thing about my Mondays off late is that I am quite Non-Motivated to come to work, the tourism industry is not doing well, we have seen some major budget cuts affecting our Marketing plans, I'm still getting used to dealing with my new boss and its just not a happy scene. The travel struggle hasn't got any better( O FYI: I travel through challenging, weathered infrastructure for an hour an a half each day to come to work, that 3 hrs total each day of my precious life. I dont want to start multiplying the no. of days i have been travelling and get into a different sad loop here) so basically there wasn't a spring in my step this Monday. And then i began to over pressurise myself to shake the feeling and that led to a viscous cycle and it led to a fight with my boy friend!
But I am going to start working on "positive". I accept that i need to tranquilize myself. I finally started reading Atlas Shrugged this weekend, which has added the whole question, rebel, think and rethink and over think to my already similarly inclined frame of mind. But I cannot stop reading it. To sooth my nerves, i solemnly swear that the next book i read will be "The Secret". I promise not to be suspicious about it and to accept and willingly try to accept. Its worked for a lot of people I have been told. Strangely though I have come across anyone who says - "It worked for ME" (Devil: God i hate self help books, Angel: Try it it will work for you) ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH lets see how it goes.

At the moment though, I cant wait to read the next Chapter of my current book.
Who is John Galt? ;)

I slipped again. My bad :(

I am such a sicko. I slipped again, why do i have to be such a procrastinator. Start everything, "gung ho" and then see it fizzle out. OK confession time, I started teaching children at this street childrens school every Saturday, went for 3 Saturdays then I went to Singapore last December, for work and havent gone back since.

Confession 2, after 6 months of dedicated Yoga class i havent enrolled for this month, I tried to self teach and it worked! But I dont even do that anymore, I just sleep in the morning barely get up to give myself enough time to get ready and get ready and run, I come home at 9 after work, BUT i dont study, just watch the tele and sleep!

I am feeling terrible, maybe its just a phase eh? Ill shrug and it will be alright!!! (( See I am such a positive thinker! haha)

OK happy thoughts!! I am going for Dagas wedding to Kolkatta!! 13 - 15th Feb and then I have to come back for this stupid roadshow on the 18th which is "my project" 19th I am off to Delhi for Shwetas wedding, I am sooooo excited! Bharnis coming and we are going to himachal, Dharamshala and we will see the Golden Temple too!!! :) This time I am going to document the journey, I wish I was a good photographer, that I knew "technique", then I could capture all those moments and make a photo journal.

I was thinking maybe I could borrow someones video cam and make my own show reel and send it to T&L or Natgeo..Iv always wanted to. Will just do an impromptu and make a fool of myself probably.

Haan, now for these weddings that I am going to ya. I need to be all "dressed" which means MORE expenses. I am looking for a good designer: read CHEAP. Whats all the fuss anyway? I mean I am invited right? So just have me the way I am jeans, fab India eth all..But i get these jaw dropping expressions when i suggest. So ya my budget is 5 K meeting a few of them this weekend.

So action plan for this weekend:

1. Get pipingo name cards printed
2. GMAT prep
3. Freeze on cocktail and shaadi dresses ( what a waste!)
4. Sort out Internet connection at home
5. Find a teacher to teach me vocals, Bandra should have some right?
6. But a pair of Jeans from that Outfits place
7. Research on B school application deadlines.
8. Spend time with mom and dad
9. O and try and go and teach ( i am just scared they will say get out we dont wantyou. so Iv been too scared to face them and haven't been going.) But i am going to go speak to them again and tell them how and why what happened and that it MAY happen again!
10. Avoid multiple rounds of dessert